My time to whine and other things

This is not going to be an easy one to put out there.  I am definitely baring a lot with this blog.  As you know my son Steven is autistic and can be very physically aggressive.  Through the years, I have wondered many a things about why Steven is my son.  I know that I studied autism years before I had him, I know I have a degree in Early Childhood Development, I know my hubby went to school to be a teacher and I know that God has been there for us.  BUT WHY!!!!!!!!  So many times I have prayed to God while Steven is having fits to help him calm down and to make him sleep.   I didn't know why God would let it continue.  I still don't know why God lets us go through this.  I have been noticing lately that when I am in control of my anxiety that Steven's tends to be high.  I would get so upset, why can't we both be good at once.  Then it hit me hard the other day.  The anxiety is initially caused by a physical chemical imbalance in the brain.  I knew that Satan comes in and helps it along.  Satan is causing my son's anxiety to go up as well!  Why did I never think of this before?  I know that I have to do so much for Steven because he can't do or handle it himself.  I have to get rid of this for him also.  I was having such a good morning and attacking the mounds of housework and everything blew up with Steven.  After so long, I just started crying.  Which didn't help because that upset Steven as well that mommy was crying.  I listened to Los Lonely Boys' song Forgiven as I couldn't pray myself.  The song fit my mood perfect.  Especially the first verse.  Then I felt something inside me to tell the devil to leave my son alone.  I did and Steven calmed down and I calmed down for the most part.  I guess I should say that before I turned on the song, I sent a message to some of the ladies I know and asked to pray for me.  The rest of the day was pretty uneventful until bedtime.  We had another fit.  I didn't do my usual praying for Steven, but decided to pray WITH him.  So I was telling Steven to say God we pray for peace.  At which point Steven would say promise.  We did this about 3 times and then he was calm.  He went to sleep.  Why didn't God let me think of this sooner?  WHY?  I am grateful that I have this new tool, but why so long.  Aug 5th my son will turn 19.  WHY?  I know we aren't supposed to question the wisdom of the Lord, but I can't help but think WHY.  I would like to say that I could ask him in heaven, but I know that I won't have this memory at that time.  It will be a thing of the past.  Maybe God said this to me before and I wasn't listening.  That is totally possible.  Thank you to all of you who think of my family when you pray.  Thank you to all of you who think of us as you go about your day.  I thank God for not making us alone on our journey.  I really can't think of anything else to say so I will stop now.

Take Care and God Bless,
Sherri


This picture was taken by my mom almost 19 years ago.  It was probably the first picture ever taken of Steven.